Did you marry your type?
Everyone has “preferred types.” Type isn’t a desires list. Its not “I want this height, that amount of money, gotta be romantic.”
Type is an unconscious desire or inclination for a particular look, behavior, mentality, etc. We don’t choose our types, whether good or bad. They seem to come with our personality.
Some think our types are related to our unmet needs. For example, I am attracted to “good” bad boys — tough guys but not trouble makers. I have a thing for quiet strength, a “Don’t f with me or those I care about” vibe. I have a thing for leader types who walk into a room and make it feel secure. In the event of an emergency, it’d be the person who most would look to first.
This desire certainly could be related to growing up with a fun, yet irresponsible and absent father who wasn’t much of a protector and didn’t exude leadership beyond his immediate circle. So yes, one could think I missed that paternal protecting and was drawn to guys who could protect.
I get the thought process, but I think it’s more mysterious than that. I did have a protective grandfather & good uncles in my life. I had strong male role models around so I don’t think the “need” is that deep.
Plus~
We show preferences even as babies! Even before we are socialized or raised with gaps, we are naturally drawn to or more excited by a particular type of a person.
One of my favorite movies is Kill Bill. In the 2nd part, Bills “father” explains to *insert beep here* that he knew when Bill was a kid that he loved blondes. He explained how he took him to a movie when he was young and when the blonde actress came on screen, Little Bill started obsessively sucking his thumb and couldn’t take his eyes off of this lady. Of course *beep* was a blonde. (I take any chance to plug a fav movie, but I don’t take human psychology lessons from a movie).
It’s not just romantic attraction either. Dolly Parton said she was around six when she saw a woman considered ungodly by the town — dressed in shiny embroidered clothes, lot of make up, etc. While the town shunned this woman, Dolly said she wanted to look like her! She had a type very early. Ha!
My guess is the strength and independence the woman exuded in choosing her own look despite criticism, was an unconscious draw that six year old Dolly didn’t understand. We certainly know Dolly is strong. wears what she wants and chooses her own path!
Anyway, I had a type. I didn’t deviate from it in my dating years. I was always drawn in! My first love fit it perfectly. Brooding, quiet, a bit intimidating, a leader, quick to protect, secure. Then we split, my heart broke, then I healed & my type expanded. “Good” tough guy was/is always the base, but after the pain, I realized I can look beyond the type, considering the type didn’t pan out!
In looking beyond, I discovered I am a Sapiophile. Intelligence is super sexy! (My first love wasn’t dumb but…)
A reader, a curious mind that seeks understanding, a well-rounded conversationalist, a bit of a geek, will always turn my head!
If there’s a guy in a park, wearing glasses & reading a book, my head is turning. Instasexy! “What’s he reading? Does he want to talk about it? Debate it with playful innuendo? What made him want to read this subject?” Super hot, y’all! Ha!
Judge me if you wish; I can’t help it. It’s my type. :) His height and hairline would be the last thing I’d notice. Ha!
I think about past childhood crushes and even then I see a common thread of “A bit of a nerd” so maybe our types aren’t “hard set” and emerge more fully as we mature? I don’t know…
Now, to answer the question I asked you: NO, I didn’t quite marry my type! Haha! My hubs is a voracious reader, and he is curious enough to investigate anything. I wouldn’t call him a good tough guy — he’s a good regular guy. He can, but prefers not to lead, and he doesn’t like people (too many years in a public facing career) so he’s not conversing much outside our home or with a handful of friends. He’d definitely protect me in his own way. He’s intelligent and he can fix anything by watching a single tutorial. He’s not a nerd though.
I still side eye my supposed types, but I wouldn’t replace my not quite my type hubs of nearly 13 years, for my type. How about you? Did you marry your type?
